i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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