My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
