At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
