He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
