apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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