He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He passed out mid-signature
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
