thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
