you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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