absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
