I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
