You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
