hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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