I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
