it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
