Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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