in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize