Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just puked most of my soul out..
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