Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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