If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
