that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
