I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
