Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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