No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
