rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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