He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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