her vagine was all disorganized.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
