I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
