Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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