i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
