I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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