haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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