The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
