I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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