i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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