fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
