can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
