those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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