another moral hangover. fuck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
