Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
