we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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