the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
