I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
