I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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