I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This house was built for laser tag.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
