dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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