you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
