just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
