I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
