the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
