Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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