Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
