Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
