But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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