I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
