If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
