That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
