You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
