conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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