i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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