It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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