Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
