I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
