My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
