I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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