i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
