Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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