2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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