A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
