Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
