what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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