1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
