He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
