man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
