where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
