he thought i was a dude.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize