Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
