I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
