She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
