Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
