don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
