why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
