Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
