So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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