So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
