Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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