Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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