I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it glows. i had to have it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
