i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
