I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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