I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize