Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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