I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
